Wednesday, April 11, 2007
We Salute You, Jerry Falwell!
I’d like to take this moment to recognize comedic genius Jerry Falwell for embodying the ideals of the Social Ironist Party. Jerry has created a brilliant parody of a mock-religious leader/political hack. Testamount to his expert acting and character development abilities is the fact that you probably didn’t even know that the whole time he’s been spouting off his ridiculously self-righteous, financially manipulative religious mumbo-jumbo, he was only joking around, just to fuck with you. Jerry’s satire is nothing short of brilliant, and we’ll be sure to emulate him when it comes time for the Social Ironist Party to create a new religion and form a cult so we can get rich. But these days are far away yet - for now, we must focus on getting rich off of politics while sharpening our skills at the art of manipulating people, like Jerry Falwell so eloquently does. In celebration of this artist, we present you with 3 Fun Facts about Jerry Falwell:
1). In highschool, Jerry Falwell won the State Eyelash Blinking competition by blinking his eyelashes 472 times in one minute.
2). If you look deep into the chicken goblet of fat that hangs from Jerry Falwell’s neck, you’ll discover God.
3). Flicking it 3 times brings good luck.
We’d also like to welcome Don Imus to the Social Ironist Party. According to the news networks, apparently Hurting Someone’s Feelings is a bigger story than Genocide in Sudan. We’re sorry everyone hates you, Don. Let it be known that the Social Ironist Party will accept you with open arms, even when you’re shunned by the rest of the world. Don, we wish you luck (try flicking Falwell’s chicken gobble!) in avoiding the P.C. police at CNN. Please accept your Party Invitation before this whole media storm blows over and you’re no longer useful to us. In the meantime, everyone, be sure to link our blog because we’re sluts for attention!
Anyway, now that I’ve done the celebrity banter that’s needed to get media attention these days, I’ll get back to our own campaign. Candidate Holbrook is on his way to North Dakota for the debate with rival Cincinnati City Council candidate Taxy McPederast. Taxy is a seasoned debater and will be a fierce opponent for Candidate Holbrook, but we feel that Sean’s vision of hope and sunshine for America will win the day. Whatever the outcome, anyone who says that Taxy McPederast is a character we made up to play a straw man of the worst politician in the universe just so we can make Sean Holbrook appear better by comparison is full of shit.
