Tuesday, June 05, 2007
The Democratic Debate, among other things
I missed the debate last night, but that shouldn’t stop me from getting involved in the post-debate punditry. Here goes: The dems are pretty much all the same with the exception of Kooch, who has the balls to stand up to the system despite being a tiny little elf of a man, and I say that with the utmost respect. I’m all about the fringe candidates.
Progressives and weird fuckers everywhere should infiltrate the Republican Party this election cycle to get Ron Paul through the primary. Perhaps the Social Ironist Party will lead the charge as we rewrite the rules of elections and become a case study in political science, guerilla marketing and creative performance art.
If that statement sounds arrogant, I offer you this poem:
Ego is Hungry
FEED ME says Ego,
dragging me to the weight room.
Now grunt like a madman,
look in the mirror and flex,
make veins pop out of your neck.
Yeah, those chicks want you,
you stud muffin.
I mute him before I crush myself
with the weights he says I can lift.
Fridays, during nap time,
his incessant bitching
drags me out of bed
like cartoons on a Saturday morning.
Shots, he says. Feed me booze.
I give him one to shut him up.
More, damnit. Quickly now,
I’m hungry.
You can handle it,
you’re a tough guy.
Count them, tell your friends
how many you’ve had,
tack on a few extras
as a license to pinch asses
and yell like a redneck
at a monster truck rally.
He’s just trying to excuse himself
when I make an ass out of myself.
We go out, and he leads the way.
Go for the hot girl, he insists.
I don’t care if she has the personality
of a urine stained wall,
she makes ME look sweet.
Libido agrees. I am outvoted.
************************************
I hope you like my poem. If not I’ll have you know that I turned this and maybe 12 others I whipped off in to Miami University and they paid me $25,000 to go to their grad school for poetry. Cha-Ching, bitches. I was in poetry for the money.
Did you know that the not-liking of a poem is enough to make some graduate students cry?
Not me though, because I’m an insensitive asshole. That’s why I got out of poetry and entered politics.
