Sunday, April 29, 2007
S.I.P Teeny-Bopper Corner
The Social Ironist Party is pleased to announce that we’re reaching out to expand our support among younger voters. For this reason, we’re proud to present this special section, the S.I.P Teeny-Bopper corner. It’s important to connect with America’s youth, and we feel this is possible with our specially tailored, positive message. If you’re not a Teeny-Bopper, go ahead and stop reading, because this entry is not for you.
Hey there, Teeny-Boppers! If you’re looking for what’s new and “hip” for Teeny-Boppers like yourself, you’ve come to the right place! Instead of abusing drugs and participating in activities that may lead to unwanted teen pregnancies, spend your time at the S.I.P. Teeny-Bopper Corner!
Now for your entertainment (and to give you something to do besides partaking in dangerous underage binge drinking), here are some Fun Facts about your favorite teenage pop stars, Hanson:
- Hanson is made up of 3 brothers, Zac, Taylor, and Isaac Hanson.
- In 1997, lead singer Taylor Hanson was voted the Hottest Prepubescent All-American Teen DreamBoat by Tiger Beat Magazine. (The groupies would have flocked to him, were he capable of intercourse.)
- Their hit song “MmmmBop” debuted at #16 and eventually reached #1 on the U.S charts.
So next time you feel the need to escape from your problems, don’t sniff your Sharpies - crank up your newest Hanson album instead! It’s great background music for all of your above-the-clothes-light-petting sessions in the basement rec room. Here to teach you to not go any further than that is Helga, the S.I.P’s abstinence trainer.
Helga says, “Hey Teeny-Boppers! Abstaining from sex is easy, and fun! I’ve gone through my whole life abstaining, and you can too. Just take it from ol’ Helga here – abstinence is the way to go!”
Now for an update on all the latest gossip from West Chester Middle School:
Shelly totally dumped Mike for Ben, even though Mike is way hotter and plays for the basketball team. Like, what was she thinking? In other news, Jared Weathers asked Rachel to the Christmas dance, well actually Jared’s friend Bill asked her for him, and she said maybe because she’d have to think about it. After she thought about it she had Katie tell Bill to tell Jared that Rachel said yes, although she just wanted to go as friends because she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship yet. Stay tuned for next weeks update on the hot and heavy slow dancing!
Thanks for stopping by, Teeny-Boppers. Be sure to take a break from watching MTV and having wet dreams to donate your milk money to the S.I.P!
