Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Pre-Debate Hype
Candidate Holbrook is now in North Dakota (unfortunately they don’t have internets up there), braving the snow, wind, and wolves to fight for the people of Cincinnati in an epic debate against rival Cincinnati City Council candidate Taxy McPederast. The rhetorical battle has been raging for several days now, and EVERYTHING is at stake - should Holbrook lose, taxes will go up, the streets will fall to pieces, the children will stop singing, and your teenage daughters will get pregnant with another man’s babies. Sean Holbrook will fight valiantly for the values that we all share as Cincinnatians, and that’s why he deserves your support, preferably in a financial manner. So quit being a cheap ass and fork over a portion of your pimp wad to the Holbrook Campaign (Paypal donation links coming soon!), unless you want Taxy McPederast running this city.
I know that Sean Holbrook is a great leader who should be financially supported because of his record. Speaking of which, we need to create a record for Candidate Holbrook. Maybe you can help me out with this.
Holbrook’s Biography
By Dave, the Singing Press Secretary with contributions (pending) from members of the Social Ironist Party.
Sean Holbrook was born in an orphanage, where he learned that anyone can achieve their dreams if they embrace the can-do American spirit, God bless it.
At the tender age of 7, he slayed his first dragon, and went on to impregnate many, many princesses. After this, he did some stuff for a while (Social Ironist Party members, go ahead and fill in the details here, ‘kay thanks.) until one day he decided to run for Cincinnati City Council as a Social Ironist Candidate, sparking a world-wide revolution that made the world a better place and caused the children to hold hands and sing joyous songs.
Nothing is more important to Sean than his faith in God and his church, which he attends daily, unless you’re an atheist, in which case Holbrook never goes to church because he thinks organized religion is full of shit. Whatever. Either way, you should vote for Sean Holbrook because he shares your values.
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Anyway, good people who read this blog, feel free to post comments filling in the details on Candidate Holbrook’s life. Here we have Democracy at its finest - YOU get to create your own customized political candidate. Please remember that we need to make all of his character attributes heroic and honorable, so people will support his leadership with tons of cash. Democracy at it’s finest, I tell you.
