Successful City Hall Appearance!!
On Tuesday, Sean “the Naked Candidate” Holbrook and I made an appearance at City Hall. I must say it couldn’t have gone more smoothly if God Himself had come up with the plan, which He very well may have.
The plan was for Sean, as a disciple and close ally of NYC and international entertainment legend The Naked Cowboy, to give a speech about the need for transparency and openess in government, while wearing nothing but tighty-whities. And a tie of course, because politicians must wear ties in order to be socially acceptable. If you can’t catch the obvious symbolism between our message and attire, please take this moment to punch yourself in the head, because you’re an idiot. Also, don’t have any children, because they will also be idiots. Here is the speech Sean was going to give:
I appreciate the opportunity to address you here today. Honest and open government is the key to healing our ailing and fragile democracy. My name is Sean Holbrook and I have come here today to lead by example in a time of fear, secrecy and unnecessary illusions. Let us be honest about who we are, where we stand, who stands with us, behind us, to the left of us, to the right of us, above us and below us.
It’s time for bold leadership, family values and a bright new vision. This council is to too afraid of airing our cities dirty laundary in public and exposing our naked truths. Democracy isn’t pretty all the time, in fact as we’ve often seen, sometimes it’s downright ugly and uncomfortable. I know it can be very hard for you, because full transparency often means things can get heated, and they do get sticky from time to time.
Democracy is not a participatory sport. Sometimes we have to roll up our citizen sleeves and get down to some serious business without being afraid of getting our hands dirty. We must come together as one to fight the special interests. Some politicians are too quick to jump in bed with special interests and leave our citizens out in the cold. Instead of the old cold shoulder, our city council should reach out with warm hands, big hearts, passion and love. Instead of being intoxicated on power and wine, let the joys of justice roll down from on high and let our city government become a bright and shiny Beacon for all the world to behold.
We need a council candidate that’s more than just good hair and a great smile – not to say that I don’t have these things, because clearly I do – but we need a candidate who will make a stand. When it comes to fighting for Cincinnati, I’m not afraid to put my ass on the line. I’m Sean Holbrook and I approve of this hot and sexy message.
Ironically, the speech about open and transparent government was shut down, playing perfectly into the statement we were trying to make. I think it’s now safe to officially say that the Cincinnati political arena consists of a series of secretive and closed off little frats, which work for the good of their frat and those who fund it, all while battling the other little frats and hazing everyone who tries to get in. In the meantime, our city gets fucked. So it goes.
Soon, The Naked Candidate and the Social Ironist Party are headed to New York City, to campaign with the Naked Cowboy and appeal to the world for the international support and donations we need to rescue this city. Future Councilman Holbrook and our vast network of socially-conscious entrepreneurs and creative innovators will bring in energy, ideas, passion and a new way of thinking, so Cincinnati can truely become a shining beacon on a hill for all to look up at.
