Ladies leave the room for a moment.
Lately I have been busy setting up contacts, researching, and networking for the campaign. When I have been able to spend time on potential voters, it has been mostly on female voters. Now fellows don’t think I have been ignoring you or that I don’t care, because deep down I care about all voters. To prove to the male constituents my level of care and concern for them, I am going to share a little bit of knowledge with them. Ladies you may excuse yourselves now.
In this modern world it seems everyone is obsessed with money. You will hear much talk about investing, the basic advice being to, “Buy low, sell high.” Everyone wants to talk about financial investing, but how often does someone give you advice on sexual investing. Well fellows today is your lucky day, Im going to teach you the skills you need to upgrade from bargain basement skanks to 5th Avenue hussies.
First rule (Marry high, Bang low)
We all want to go home with that perfect 10, you know that chick out there somewhere who looks like Angelina Jolie, cooks like mom, and doesn’t mind the fact that you still live in your parents garage.
I see it every weekend, guys going out with ridiculous standards who end up going home alone at 2AM angry at themselves with a raging hard-on. When it could have been avoided with a little sexual investing.
The first lesson you need to learn is that if you want that perfect 10 you are going to have to learn to forgive yourself, and be ready for a little humility.
It’s okay to bang a nasty girl every one in a while. You don’t have to marry her, just think of her as practice and a little bit of contrast for when that perfect 10 does come around. Use these girls as practice for when the 10 does come around, because if you can get the perfect 10 back to mom and pops garage, and into your stained futon you are going to need some serious skills to keep her, Learn these skills from the skanks, and treat them like ladies for it.
So the next time a beastly girl comes up to you, don’t shoot her down, be nice. Hell… buy her a drink, tell her how pretty she is (lie), take her home, bang her, then cry yourself to sleep. In the morning burn her number and your sheets, and get ready to take some shit from your friends. Cause nasty girls are like mopeds, they are fun to ride, until someone you know see’s you riding one.
Rule 2 (Always get your money back)
After you tell your not-so hottie, that she can use the bathroom in the house but to be quiet because your parents are sleeping. Rummage through her purse and take out some money. Now Im not saying to rob her completely, just enough to cover the drinks you bought for her and maybe to help with your therapist bill. But ALWAYS leave enough for cab fare home. Also don’t eat any gum or mints she may have laying in her purse, no matter how tasty they may look.
Rule 3 (The Chart)
(Coming Soon)
The Chart is a highly scientific system I have developed over time, That plots a line graph using the time of day and your personal standards. It shows a man, just how low he is allowed to go without losing the respect of society and himself.
Hopefully this is somewhat handy, and begins to show you that investing yourself (literally) into women below your standards can pay off in the long-run.
FYI
If you get a clinger, who can’t take a hint that it’s time to leave. Here is a trick I used during my romancing days.
Keep a jar of gasoline handy by the bed, when the clinger wont leave throw the gas on her. In her confusion use the time to light a cigarette. Then turn towards her and ask for a hug. Slowly inch towards her for that hug as she stares blankly at you in disbelief. It shouldn’t take long for ol’ tons of fun to leave
